What I learned - 10/9/08  

Friday, October 10, 2008

Sometimes it takes a little action to get what you need.

I understand that I am writing about the things that I go through and what I learn from my mistakes but also my joys. That is the only way I know how. I will add other aspects of my life shortly (such as short stories and poetry) but for now my venue is all about me. Selfish - of course - but what a great way to get things off my mind, learn new things, and grow.

I did not do much yesterday, just my day to day grind but when I got home things were different and I had a great night. I was able to be open about my feelings about my relationship and got a lot of feedback. I was able to tell him that I need him to be stronger - to lead - to be the man of the house. He told me he would like that but feels he can't because he has no job at the moment. Another excuse and reason that keeps me from falling in love with this man and wanting to be with him forever. All I get is excuses.

I asked him to come to California and be with me - as a fresh start. He left everything behind and nothing to go back to. I feel like I have to help him in order for him to get on his feet because I am his last resort. I asked for this. Now I feel foolish and trapped.

One thing I did not expect from this though is how much we do get along but it feels like a room mate situation more than a relationship. Which might be a better way of going about this. I have no clue. I see how well he is doing with the girls and I see how much our daughter loves having him here. So the goal is to make sure that he stays here in California to keep that bound.

I want to make sure that my oldest feels that bound. Last night, she gave me a facial in front of her friends and we were all cracking up. It was fun and my face feels so much smoother now. I learned that no matter what happens in my relationships with men, my daughters need me and need a close relationship with me.

I learned that while he is here and living with me, it is a chance to build a strong relationship with my soon-to-be teenager. She wants to scrapbook with me. I think that this weekend I will take the time to show her how to make mini cards. We shall craft together.

The family that plays together stays together. That is what we shall do!!

So the lesson I learned last night - mother's are always important in their daughter's eyes. They are the example of what they will become when they grow up and as a mother I should be the example of perfect love and perfect trust!!!

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