Thursday, October 9, 2008

Why do I have to like those men who play head games? Why do I want the co-worker when he can never be honest with me about how he feels and what he wants? Why do I let him get to me? Why do I miss him so?

He drives me crazy but one that makes me laugh and smile because of the craziness. I know that I drive him batty. What are we to do? Why can't he just be open with me? Do I not deserve to have him tell me he cares? Do I not deserve to have him stop the games and just be a man - a loving man? Do I not deserve to have someone want me for me and not sexually? Do I not deserve to have a man fall in love with me and want to marry me?

Maybe I am foolish and a romantic - but I feel cheated. I feel like I could fall for someone who will never care for me and will leave me in a second for the next best thing. I feel like a fool.

You may ask me what about the one I am with. I already know that we will never work out because we are back to our same routine. Another woman at my work made a comment when she found out he was moving back in with me - "There is a reason they are called ex's" - she was right. Don't get me wrong, the man I am with is a nice guy, but my personality is too strong for him and I will never let him lead.

I need someone who can lead me and take charge. Someone with a stronger personality. That is why I like my co-worker and my ex-boyfriend (the military one).

I just wish my co-worker would get it through his head that if he would just stop the stupid games and if he truly wanted me, he could have me!!! But the games push me away. The fact that all he does is talk about sexual stuff pushes me away. If that is all that I wanted, I could easily switch or go the neighbor's friend. But that is not what - I want any more. I DESERVE MORE!!!!

I want a man that I can spend the rest of my life with - traveling, having fun, raising our kids, grandkids, etc. I want my best friend and lover!! I am too old for childish games and foolishness!!

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